What if my ex and I cannot reach an agreement about our children?

If you and your ex have an agreement about where your children will live, how often and when they will spend time with their non-resident parent, you do not have to complete any official paperwork. However, many separated couples find it helpful to write down what has been agreed in a Parenting Plan, so that the agreement they have come to is recorded clearly. Cafcass (the service that advises the family courts about the welfare of children and what is in their best interests) offer a free Parenting Plan template. You can download a Word version here, or use their online tool to work on one collaboratively with your ex.

If you are finding it impossible to reach an agreement, you could think about attending mediation with you ex, or, may have to go to court to ask a Judge to decide. To do this, an application for a Child Arrangements Order (also known as a C100) will have to be completed. This is filed at the court nearest to where the child lives.

Before making this application, you will have to attend a MIAM (unless you fit one of the exemptions). A MIAM stands for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. It is conducted by an authorised family mediator and held to provide information about the following:

• Mediation of disputes that relate to relevant family applications.

• Ways in which disputes relating to relevant family applications can be resolved other than by the court.

• The suitability of mediation or any other way of resolving disputes to which the relevant family application relates.

MIAMs take around 45 minutes and cost around £120. Some mediators are able to do them remotely.

Once the C100 has been filed, the usual process is for the case to be allocated either to a Judge or to Magistrates, and for Cafcass to be asked to conduct safeguarding checks. These checks involve Cafcass investigating whether your children are known to the Local Authority or to the Police, and speaking to you and your ex to determine what the issues are, and whether either of you has any concerns about your children’s welfare (i.e., concerns about domestic abuse). Cafcass will make recommendations about the next steps the court should take.

The first court hearing is usually a First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment, where the court will, if possible, try to get you and your ex to reach an agreement. They will made directions and orders for the next steps in the hearing, which might involve Cafcass or the Local Authority conducting further investigations (in private children proceedings, a common order is for Cafcass to prepare a section 7 report), for you both to file statements, for GP letters to be filed and so on. If there are allegations that need to be determined by the court, a Fact-Finding Hearing will be ordered. If there are requests for interim contact that need further exploration, a specific hearing for this will be ordered. 

Once this information has been gathered, a Dispute Resolution Appointment will be held. The court will again try to get you and your ex to agree on child arrangements. If you cannot (for example, because one of you does not agree with Cafcass’s section 7 report recommendations), a Final Hearing will be ordered. You will likely be asked to file a statement setting out your final position.

At the Final Hearing, you and your ex may be asked to give evidence on your statement, and you may be cross-examined. The Cafcass Officer involved in your case may also be cross-examined. Ultimately, the court will impose a final order that it considers is in the best interests of your children.

If you would like to speak to Polly to talk your situation through, whatever it might be, please give her a call on 07775 894 910, leave her a message by clicking on the contact box below, or email her at polly@pollyjackman.com.