What is divorce and separation coaching?

Separation and divorce are among the most stressful experiences many people will ever go through.

Whether you are trying to decide whether a relationship has come to an end, navigating difficult conversations with your partner, worrying about your children, or feeling overwhelmed by legal and financial decisions, it can be hard to know where to turn.

Friends and family often have strong opinions. Online information can be confusing or contradictory. Solicitors play an important role, but legal advice alone may not help you work through the emotional, practical and personal challenges that separation can bring.

This is where separation coaching can help.

What is separation coaching?

Separation coaching provides a supportive space to think through the issues you are facing, explore your options and make decisions with greater confidence.

Unlike therapy, coaching is generally focused on the present and future rather than the past. The aim is not to analyse every aspect of your relationship or childhood, but to help you understand where you are now, where you want to get to, and how you can move forward.

People seek separation coaching at many different stages of the process. Some are still deciding whether to stay in their relationship. Others have recently separated and are trying to navigate the practical realities of co-parenting, finances or communication with their former partner. Some are already involved in legal proceedings and want support managing the stress and uncertainty that can accompany them. There is no right time to seek support.

What makes my approach different?

I have been practising as a family lawyer (and a public lawyer) for many years. It is a job that I love, and one that has allowed me to help many people. However, accessing legal services is expensive, can feel adversarial, and like it is taking a step that you may not necessarily be ready for, and - often despite best intentions and attempts - it can be or feel more adversarial that you might want.

In 2024 I completed a year long Level 3 Counselling Skills qualification. While I am not a counsellor or therapist, this training has strengthened my ability to listen deeply, ask thoughtful questions and create a supportive, non-judgemental space for reflection. Separation often involves not only practical decisions, but also complex emotions such as grief, uncertainty, guilt, anger or fear. My counselling skills training helps me support clients through those conversations while maintaining a practical focus on moving forward.

I started coaching so that I could provide a more relaxed space for people to discuss the situation that they are in and their fears and concerns. A place where I can hopefully take away the overwhelm that they often a feel, and break down the dozens of questions, worries, and competing prioties. A place to help people chart a route through possible separation and divorce, without necessarily taking any concrete steps.

As a coach, my role is not to tell you what to do. Instead, I help you untangle the issues, identify what matters most to you, and make decisions that feel right for your particular circumstances.

Clients often describe my approach as friendly, approachable and pragmatic, which is exactly my aim. I want to provide a calm, non-judgemental space where you can think things through openly and honestly.

Can you answer legal questions?

To an extent, yes.

Because of my background as a family lawyer, I can often help you understand how the family justice system works, explain common legal processes and identify the issues that you may wish to discuss with a solicitor.

For example, we might discuss:

• how the divorce process works;

• mediation and other forms of dispute resolution;

• usual arrangements for children;

• family court proceedings;

• common approaches to financial settlements; or

• what to expect from different professionals involved in the process.

  
  

However, when working as a coach, I do not provide tailored legal advice. That means I cannot advise you on your specific legal rights, prospects of success or the likely outcome of your particular case.

How can we work together?

There is no single model.

Some people simply want a one-off session, or perhaps a couple of sessions, to discuss their situation, ask questions and gain a clearer understanding of the road ahead.

These sessions can be particularly useful if you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed or uncertain about your next steps.

Others prefer a more structured approach. In those circumstancs, I will design a tailored programme of coaching sessions around your specific circumstances and goals. Together, we can identify the issues you would like to focus on and create a plan that works for you.

What might we work on?

Every client is different, but common topics include:

• deciding whether to separate;

• preparing for a difficult conversation;

• managing conflict with a former partner;

• improving co-parenting communication;

• making decisions about children;

• understanding the options available to you;

• preparing for mediation;

• managing anxiety about legal proceedings;

• rebuilding confidence after separation;

• adjusting to life as a single parent; and

• creating a plan for the next chapter of your life.

  
  

Sometimes the goal is a major decision. Sometimes it is simply creating enough clarity to take the next step.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the difference between a separation coach and a solicitor?

A solicitor provides legal advice and can advise you on your legal rights, responsibilities and options. You can instruct a solicitor to represent you in court proceedings. A separation coach helps you think through decisions, manage the practical and emotional challenges of separation, and navigate the process with greater clarity and confidence and will not be involved in any legal proceedings.

Because of my background as a family lawyer, I can often help you understand how the legal system works and explain common legal processes. However, when working as a coach, I do not provide legal advice about your specific circumstances.

What is the difference between separation coaching and counselling?

Counselling often focuses on understanding emotions, experiences and patterns of behaviour, including how past experiences may be affecting you today.

Coaching is generally more focused on the present and future. It is about helping you identify your goals, make decisions and take practical steps forward.

That said, separation involves both practical and emotional challenges. My Level 3 Counselling Skills qualification means I bring strong listening and reflective skills to my coaching work, while maintaining a practical and forward-looking approach.

Do I need to have already separated to work with a separation coach?

Not at all. Many people contact me before they have made any decisions about their relationship. Some are trying to work out whether separation is the right path. Others are considering a trial separation or preparing for a difficult conversation with their partner.

Coaching can be helpful at any stage of the process.

How many sessions will I need?

This varies from person to person. Some clients book a single session because they want an opportunity to talk through a particular issue or ask questions about the separation process. Others find that two or three sessions provide enough support to help them move forward. Where someone would like ongoing support, we may agree a more structured programme of sessions tailored to their needs.

What happens during a coaching session?

Each session is different, depending on your circumstances and goals. Some people want to discuss practical issues such as children, communication with a former partner or understanding the legal process. Others want support making a particular decision or working through feelings of uncertainty. Where needed and wanted, we may do exercises to help with grounding, to lessen anxiety, to assist with identifying issues and making decisions etc. The sessions are flexible and led by what you need most at that time.

Can you help me prepare for mediation?

Yes. Many people feel anxious about mediation because they are unsure what to expect or how to approach difficult conversations. Coaching can help you think through your goals, identify the issues that matter most to you and prepare for discussions in a constructive way.

Can you help if I am already involved in court proceedings?

Yes. While I cannot advise you on the legal merits of your case as a coach, many people find it helpful to have support managing the stress, uncertainty and practical challenges that court proceedings can bring.

What if I am feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to start?

This is one of the most common reasons people seek coaching.

You do not need to arrive with a clear plan or a list of goals. Sometimes the first step is simply creating enough space to understand what is happening, identify the issues that need attention and work out what your next step might be.

Is everything I tell you confidential?

Yes. Coaching sessions are confidential, subject to the usual exceptions relating to serious risks of harm or legal obligations. If you have any questions about confidentiality, I will be happy to discuss them before we begin working together.

Photo by Jakub Żerdzicki on Unsplash